Road Rash in Real Life

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This is one of the levels of the popular PC game “Road Rash”. Sadly I play this game in real life daily. How? My daily drive from my home to the college where I work is nothing short of  Road Rash’s The City but of Level 5. The description “Nasty traffic and zombie pedestrians” does no justice to the categories of people I come across while driving. Unlike the kicks the biker in the game has, I am armed only with :-

# A good horn (Transition from Bajaj sunny to TVS scooty gave me a powerful battery charged horn)

Me, My Sister, My Scooty and My Sunny

Me, My Sister, My Scooty and My Sunny

# Okay brakes

# Good maneuvering skill (Yes I haz them! Not like the girls or aunties whose vehicle drives them instead of the other way round. They seem to have absolutely no control of their vehicle. I have seen many actually drive with one foot down always!!)

# Plenty of scornful/reproachful/frowning looks.

# My patent dialogues :-

मरने के लिए यही रास्ता मिला है क्या? (Got this road only to die?) – For those who don’t stop crossing a road and come in front of my scooty.

सिग्नल कौन देगा? (who will give signal?) – For those who turn suddenly without proper indication.

लाल बत्ती नही दिख रहा है क्या? (Isn’t red light visible?) – For those who can’t wait for the light to go green.

With these weapons I set forth daily (except Sundays) to encounter the following specimens :-

1. The Vikram – Betaal Jodi :- Guys riding these type of bikes with higher back seat.

yamaha_r1_india1

The guy on back seat seems to be perched upon the driver just like Betaal on Vikram. They are fast, furious and usually seem to be in a great hurry to go somewhere.bikram-betaal

2. The Spitters :- These people just turn their heads while driving and spit either the remains of a paan or saliva onto the road, without seeing if anyone is overtaking them. Sometimes I wonder if they suffer from hyper salivation. I used to think only guys have this disgusting habit until one day an auntie proved me wrong. I have the morbid fear of being caught in the line of such a spit someday. 😦

3. The Undertakers :- Actually these people are those who overtake a vehicle which is already overtaking another vehicle and while doing so come into the opposite lane. So they act as undertakers – people responsible for you ending up down under after death.

4. The Jai-Veerus :- Just the famous duo from the movie Sholay, these people are inseparable. One friend drives bike and another on cycle keeps his hand on his friend’s shoulder and thus moves effortlessly along with his friend on bike. Then some people decide to stop their vehicle suddenly and chat with their friend(s) coming from the opposite side; thus blocking the traffic.

5. The KG drop outs :- These people have never attended Kindergarten and its various levels. I know this because they don’t seem to remember the basic traffic rules ( For example walk/drive on left side of road; Look to your left, then right, again left before crossing the road; overtake from right) that are taught in KG.

6. The Honkers :- These people keep on honking their vehicle horns even when the gate at railway crossing is closed or has just opened. They seem to think everyone else there is standing out of pleasure and have no intention of moving.

7. The Mobikers :- These people are inseparable from their mobiles even while driving. Nowadays even girls can be found to belong to this category. I wonder whether they get a crick in their necks by the end of the day.

8. The Singers/Whistlers/Oglers :- Singers/ whistlers range from 18 yrs to 50 yrs and can be identified by their tendency to burst into some Hindi song the moment they see you overtaking them in their rear view mirrors. Oglers are more hazardous to traffic as they tend to lose sight of road if there is a pretty girl anywhere in vicinity.

9. The Color-blinds :- These people ranging from truck drivers to cyclists can not distinguish between red and green colors. What else can be the reason that they dare to risk their lives and keep on driving even when the light on their side is red?

10. The Three Stooges :- Last but not the least, I pass by 3 traffic policemen standing at the busiest junction of my town monitoring god knows what and whom. If they did not move their limbs once in a while I would have assumed them to be actually waxworks!!

If I continue with more categories, this will be my longest post ever. How is one supposed to have good health or work with a fresh mind after all this daily stress? It wouldn’t surprise me if I am a high blood pressure patient soon. But one thing is sure…driving on an Indian road daily provides the brain just as much mental exercise as Sudoku. I won’t suffer from Alzheimer’s in my life at least. You can download and read a hilarious  account of driving in India by a Dutchman here.

survival-on-roadSocial Bookmarks:

Related posts :-

Arvind Iyer tells you how to jump lights at junction.

Smita tells us her own traffic rules.

Nita asks us the solution to India’s high accident rate.

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53 thoughts on “Road Rash in Real Life

  1. Its a standing joke around ahmedabad that if yu can drive in ahmedabad you can drive anywhere in the world. I think it should be changed to “India” rather than “ahmedabad” God only knows when will we have basic civic and driving sense. 😦

    Reema: Really!! Bhopal too was a horrible experience. However I found Pune traffic quite disciplined.

  2. Please, not the Yamaha, its such a cool bike..(I own a yamaha, so thats the reason I support it.. 😉 )

    The culprit you may like to accuse of road rash is the ever polluting Bajaj Pulsar..very very bad and cheap 150cc engine that spews poisonous smoke..a bad gear system that frequently gives false neutral..

    Ban the pulsar, and then also ban the Tata Nano for commercial use like that of rikshaw.. !!

    Reema: Oh I meant the seat structure.

  3. This is a good post. I detest people who spit on roads.

    I hate driving in this traffic. THis is why I haven’t bought a car yet. But yes, one day I will have to, and I plan to hire a driver. 🙂

    Reema: Thanks! Do u own a vehicle there? scooty type?

  4. good post . we all face the same everyday ,everywhere .

    Your photo not clear – bit hazzy

    Reema: Thanks! I have made the photo like that!! 😀

  5. That bike reminded me of comment from one of my friend…. he used to claim that those bikes have high back seats for girls to show their “chaddi” 😀 😀

    Reema: Dirty mind!! 😛

  6. Awesome!

    I so agree… there is so much to look out for on the road..I clench my teeth when I am on the road!

    Reema: Thanks!! Its really harmful for our health – all that stress.

  7. hahaha. That was entertaining and well written too! As you said there are so many categories of Road Rashers 🙂 that the post would indeed be endless! How about the Followers? Those who like to follow girls on two wheelers. And about oglers I have seen some of them meet with an accident right in front of my eyes. Mostly these are guys on two wheelers whose concentration is broken the minute they see a girl. I have seen a duo dashing into the side of the road!
    And I wonder what it is with these singers! I mean this bursting into a song thing, I experience it too, whether it’s just walking on the road or buying something from a kirana store! That is why I love supermarkets, no need to hear these song bursts! 🙂

    Reema: Thank u!! Yes I too have seen guys losing control of bike due to any pretty girl on road.

  8. What about the cellphone yakkers with just no idea where they are going?

    And the lovebirds who are so “into” each other that the road and their mind is just not on the road?

    Reema: I have mentioned na- “Mobikers”. Oh there are so many I have left out to keep the post interesting.

  9. Reema, when I started driving I received a very good advice-
    when you are driving on Delhi roads imagine that everybody else on the road is blind, deaf and dumb and you have to save them and yourself.I follow the advice and have no complaints 🙂

    Reema: My dad too gave me that same advice when I started driving. 🙂

  10. The worst are the spitting kinds. Gosh!

    Good read and you covered almost all. BTW Road rash PC game is my mom’s favorite. She wins every single time against me. 🙂

    Reema: Thanks!! Its my favorite game too!

  11. wow… very true of driving in India !!

    //The Spitters : been there 😦

    I tell everyone here that if you can drive in India, you can drive anywhere !!

    Reema: Thanks!! Dont tell me someone spitted on u??

  12. “…The guy on back seat seems to be perched upon the driver just like Betaal on Vikram..” Ha ha. 🙂

    “….2. The Spitters :- These people just turn their heads while driving and spit either the remains of a paan or saliva onto the road, without seeing if anyone is overtaking them…” 🙂 🙂

    Keep Blogging!

    Reema: Thanks!!

  13. Wonderful post….

    I too hate Vikram Betal’s & Jai Veeru kinds….they risk their lives and everybody else as well…I even hate people who keep talking on mobile…buggers!!!

    My favorite line is “Out for a walk kya” and I actually stop over say this and race ahead 😀

    Reema: Thanks!! I don’t stop, I just shout and race ahead 🙂

  14. “I have seen many actually drive with one foot down always!” Its ride and not drive. I finally got one opportunity to correct you TEACHER ! LOL !!! Ok, let me get back to the post now….

    …LOL, terrific post ! Im one of those Singers that you mentioned, but the difference is I would be singing or would be speaking to someone on my headset throughout my ride ! But I believe, there hasnt been any hindrance to the traffic from my end.I need to clarify this though 😉

    Btw, you forgot to mention those speeding devils. They just go vroom vroom and that too without a silencer waking up the whole neighbourhood.

    Reema: Grrrrrrrrrrr! thanks! As I said I had to keep it short 🙂

  15. I fall into Mobikers category but rarely… and yeah, no cricks whatsoever…

    Btw, me, my scooty, my sunny….???? u ride two vehicles at same time?

    Reema: I own them stupid!! My brother in law was riding the sunny!

  16. I love that Vikram and Betal thing, esp the illustrations .. hehehe..

    Spitting, overtaking, rushing past.. god.. its a killer stretch. Luckily, ever since I moved house, I dont have to take a killer road.

    But here, the policemen try to regulate traffic from under a tree on the side of a road. Curious.

    Reema: Looks like most of the traffic police are in fact stooges.

  17. Reema 🙂 LOL, in Bangalore people usually cross the road diagonally and look on the opposite detection, what to say then?

    This was a funny one Reema. You know I detest “The Honkers”!!!

    Reema: Thanks!! 🙂

  18. Good post – very aptly written. I loved the Vikram & betaal one especially. Now I will find it hard not to laugh when I see such bikes.

    Reema: Welcome to my blog. Thanks!! 🙂 Keep visiting.

  19. Funny post!

    You actually say the ‘marne ke liye yahi rasta mila hai’?

    You suffer from road rage, i think. People affected by this disease usually get a quicker vehicle than a Scooty, for instances where a quick getaway is required 😉

    Reema: Thanks!! yes I say that! I just have low tolerance for stupid people.

  20. Our UK Clients were shocked beyond imagination when they visited us in India. They still are in a shock after coming back to UK.
    And Road Rash was my favorite game. Do you also have a bat to hit fellow riders?? 😛

    Reema: Ahh I wish I had 😀

  21. Gosh this was funny and so accurate!!
    The spitting kinds are the worst. Jai Veerus are very irritating too!!

    Reema: Hehehe 🙂 Thanks!!

  22. Ha ha … This was a very funny post! Loved Vikram Betal! Perfect analogy! I have seen too many undertakers myself and the Jai veerus! In some cases, the Jai veerus are an auto and a bicycle, to compensate the difference in horse power!

    Reema: Thanks!! 🙂 auto and bicycle!! OMG!

  23. “zombie pedestrians!” LOL!!

    And u misd one very important category: The Snails. They move like they are the ones pulling the whole traffic behind them, but it wouldnt have been a problem if they allowd others to overtake them!

    Reema: Welcome to my blog! Oh I have left out many categories to keep it short 🙂 Keep visiting!

  24. LOL !!! enjoyed reading the post…
    It gives the true picture of Indian roads, Bangalore roads are nothing different…
    loved the Vikram betaal and the 3 stooges wax works bit !!!

    Reema: Welcome to my blog. Thanks! Keep visiting!

  25. Ah ah, not the bike, I too have such a bike with raised back seat (Karizma)! 🙂

    And I come across most of the similar type of people you’ve listed, they’re indeed everywhere! 😦 And I’m very scared of women who drive cars, have come across just 1-2 women drivers so far in cars who have not tried to kill me (2 of them close to an inch of sending me to Kingdom Come). On the other hand I’ve seen women who ride two wheelers are quite sensible & civilised, they stop on red lights & drive properly & not like someone having a nervous breakdown! Dunno if there’s some psychological factor here or what you said about their vehicles controlling them!

    Btw, all things said & done, very funny post, I was laughing hard on reading the category names & why you named them such, hehehe! 😀

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  27. Nicely written. I’ve read your others posts too. You have a good eye for crispness and economizing down to the right words. Citing from my own pleasant memories of road rage, I’d like to mention a category of riders which gets on my nerves:

    11. The Communists and the Capitalists:

    No, I am not in favor of any of the -isms. I say adopt what works. But mentioning 2 more categories of drivers:

    The Communists:

    They have this fixation of always driving on the left hand side. As if there is this force which is pulling them towards them – eyes all glazed and mind chanting – must go left, must go left, even when the roads are deserted. The quiet, peaceful kind. They drive at their own pace, smiling contendedly at the world, as if they just got high on drugs. They will be those guys who if even if they swear, they will do as if they are proposing to you.

    They are often frowned upon by their counterparts – the capitalists, who no matter what happens will stay, live, eat, drive and do god-knows-what always on the right side. And the sad part being, they will hold up the traffic behind them and not allow anyone to overtake. Mostly first time drivers taking pride in the fact of losing their Learnginity label – the “Big L”.

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  29. Very well written 🙂 Identified myself with the Vikram-betaal Category.. me being the betaal sitting behind my friend. And now after this blog my rides wont be the same again..

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