Borrow Sorrow

Recently I read a tag about writing 10 things that put you off or get your goat or are emotional atyachaars, at many blogs. No, I am not going to do the tag. Instead I am just going to focus on one habit of many people that irks me very much – Borrowing.

Neither a borrower, nor a lender be; for loan oft loses both itself and friend, and borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.~William Shakespeare

I am quite possessive about my stuff. And I don’t like sharing them with people except those who are very close to me. This is because I just don’t trust them enough to take care of my stuff like I do. As for borrowing stuff, I feel shy and embarrassed if I have to borrow something. Even as a child, if I used to forget my eraser at home sometimes, I used to think what would the other kid think about me if I ask him/her for the eraser. Once my wallet was stolen in college and I was so hesitant to borrow Rs 50 from my colleague. But I had to as I had planned to get petrol in my scooty’s almost empty petrol tank that day. Next day I returned that amount promptly.

So I fail to understand how do people ask for stuff so easily and casually? I have had people ask for jewellery (even gold ones!), dresses, shoes, my Asterix collection, novels, mobile,money and what not. I have lived in hostel during my B.E. and borrowing is an important aspect of hostel life. And now my colleagues too suffer from this habit. The problem is I can’t be rude and refuse them straightaway.

As soon as I told I have bought a digicam, my colleague A says : “Please give it to me for two days”. I refused her politely. There was no way I could lend my Rs 17,000 worth new digicam to someone who hadn’t used even a simple Kodak camera ever! Another colleague M asked for two of my books and gave it to students without checking with me!! God knows in what condition those books are. The students have not returned them yet. 😦

Recently I got a Sony 4 GB mp3 player as a gift. Yesterday M asked for it to use on his upcoming trip to attend a wedding. I couldn’t outright refuse him but I didn’t quite say yes. Now I am in a dilemma and thinking of ways to refuse him. What if he loses it in the crowded home? What if he loses it on train? What if he lets his cousins or other friends use it and they lose it or damage it? What if he  gets it scratched? Call me paranoid or distrustful or petty or even selfish but thats how I am when it comes to my stuff and other people. He has a N72 mobile and I think he can listen to quite a number of songs on that!!

I have started to feel that I can’t tell people about any new stuff I get without having them asking to borrow it from me!! And that goes for using stuff in front of them as well! 😦

So people please suggest some way or excuse so that I can tackle the situation diplomatically and manage to refuse M.

possessiveness about books

spoiling others books

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31 thoughts on “Borrow Sorrow

  1. I wasn’t very possessive about my stuff.. but people do take advantage and either don’t return the stuff or they don’t take care and return in such a way that you yourself don’t recognize your own things. This has made me skeptical over a period of time…

    I have learnt to say NO… sometimes politely, sometimes discreetly but still i do get into the trap when i am unable to say the NO.

    Chal yaar, subah subah kuchh jyaada hi lamba comment ho gaya!

    Have a nice day 🙂

    Reema: Yes I too get into the trap if friends are involved 😦

  2. Well,

    I know how you feel You got to learn to share things. Sharing is fun sometimes but only with people whom you trust.

    There are a few things which I don’t absolutely share, One of them is my car.

    Nice post by the way, and it reminds me that some friend took my copy of Atlas Shrugged and haven’t return it till now and I don’t even remember who took it 😦

    Reema: I dont mind sharing but only with people I trust and I trust only near and dear ones 🙂

  3. How about being honest and refusing you can always tell M the real reasons behind it 🙂

    Even am darn possessive about my stuff. There was some lady who was behind my life for books. I gave her one book as I couldn’t refuse but after that there was 2 more people asking for books and this lady herself asking for another one. I felt I was running a library and before things could go out of hand I took the straightforward way and refused her.

    In hostel I had always seen people wearing each other’s clothes. I somehow could never do that and neither did I lend my clothes to anyone.

    I have always been frank in such cases seedha apna pov bata do and you will have reduced repeat cases also 🙂

    Reema:The problem is that my colleagues don’t understand these concepts. They would think of me as proud and selfish. My male colleagues don’t even understand the concept of not opening someone else’s bag or drawer without permission!! They think of these manners as stupid. Yes I work with sad people 😦

  4. just tell your friend that you want to use your mp3 player at the time he needs it – say that you haven’t got enough of it. 😛 if people can shamelessly ask to borrow things which are pretty precious or have high value, you too can just as casually refuse to lend it. surely they aren’t going to break a friendship because you won’t lend them something?

    or maybe you can lend the item and borrow money worth the item as insurance. :mrgreen:

    Reema: The last one is a good idea!! 😀

  5. I share your thoughts here. I don’t mind sharing stuff, but not personal things that are precious to me. I know i will take good care of that thing, but not sure if the other person is responsible enough. Plus i have encountered people who will take something, not take adequate care, and return back in a sub-optimal condition with a completely straight face!

    Reema: Thats what! I dont want to take the risk. What if something bad happens?

  6. Tell him it’s busted. I am much worse, I never lend stuff to anyone, not a single person. I have tonnes of CDs and DVDs at home, some of them are rare, and frankly, I don’t trust anyone with them. I can copy them if someone wants a copy but no way stuff is leaving my room.

    Reema: Yes..I will make some sort of excuse. I understand u perfectly 🙂

  7. Come on Reema, you can do that. Tell him simply what you wrote here. Tell him to use his head and his mobile and shout the possibility of losing it in crowd. If he/she tries to mock you for your possessiveness, then I am not sure he/she has any common sense.

    Anyway, I know you can manage it……. in the meantime…… tell me…………. what do you think about people who *steal* your things????????
    for example…….. you heart 😀 😀

    bolo bolo

    Reema: Thats what. I know I will be mocked for my possessiveness. 😦 Tu aur tere questions.

  8. Man.. now that is a universal problem, eh?
    u could say it outright.. but that spoils the relationship to an extent i think.. but maybe he/she will be understanding.. u’ve just got to try..

    Reema: Yes I have to take the risk of telling M frankly.

  9. Borrowers are encouraged by those who dare not refuse them! 🙂 Everything in fact will be borrowed, and perhaps broken, and lost, or never returned. Well, there is a good 50% chance of it happening. The onus is on the lender. Look what has happened to the poor banks in america who lent all that money to buy homes! 😀

    Reema: Good example! 😀 Yes I have to refuse else this is may become a habit.

  10. Why not say that you are planning a trip somewhere too at the same time.

    When someone wanted some stuff of mine which I did not want to give. This was my usual excuse and usually the person gets it and does not ask again.

    Reema: No..that wont work. I have to think of something else.

  11. I can’t understand how people can even ask for these kind of things. Digi cam, cameras – is a total no no.. There is no way I would lend it or even think of borrowing for that matter.. As for books – I hate lending them too – coz most people do not realise what they mean to you.. Either they never return it – or they return it in tatters 😦

    Reema: Yes thats what. How can they ask in the first place?

  12. among the best of friends , it is quite a routine borrowing and lending stuff ….

    but for the few of those things of which I am really possessive , I don’t lend it to anyone ( for instance , the Harry Potter series I have got ) …. I keep them securely locked 😛 ….. and I directly refuse anyone who desires to borrow it for a day or two … 😉 … Can’t risk getting even a slight damage on any one of them …. 😀

    Reema: The key word is “best” of friends. 🙂

  13. Hi! Been following your blog for quite a while now but had to delurk for this post. I can so relate to what you have written. I used to be bad about saying No too but in the recent past have realized nothing works better than polite honesty. I tell people straight up that “Sorry! can’t do!”. I love my ‘stuff’ too much to lend it. Good luck! 🙂

    Reema: Hey there! thanks for delurking 🙂 Thanks I need it!

  14. I find it very hard to say No! Starting from lending money to what not! Not having stuff returned or return them damaged.
    I think I have notice on my forehead saying “Come, Ask and Ye shall have it! ” 🙂

    Reema: Oh start saying no! especially to costly stuff and money.

  15. In these kinds of situations, people who can BS easily are more comfortable! 😉 You can tell your friend some BS reason like:

    1) Your dad has borrowed it for few days & takes it to his office.

    2) You cousin/bro/sis/best friend has borrowed it for few days.

    3) Its battery or something else is busted & you have given it to repair center.

    And then as an afterthought, you can suggest him that his N series mobile also plays good music & maybe he can load up songs on that & use that as a music player.

    Also suggest to him that if he turns his mobile to Offline/Airplane/Flight mode then the battery will last longer than usual while listening to music since then the GSM radio won’t be sucking on the juice! 🙂

    Reema: The third idea is good!! Lets see what do I do..

    • One suggestion:

      Instead of editing a person’s comment & adding your reply to it, you can just click the “Reply” button next to a comment and add your reply there. It will get added below that comment in a threaded view & also the person will get notified of your response if he’s subscribed to replies. Editing comment doesn’t notify the person of your reply if any!

  16. I hope this will make some sense.

    My Best Friend borrowed a book from me long time back and forgot to return it which later i found out he has misplaced. Now somehow we enter a fight and stop talking to each other, but i had to get things back in place. So i asked him for three cups of coffee with me instead which he had to agree. And it worked 😀

    You never know how and when do you get paid back for all the good you do. I know it sounds bit emotional, but seriously you got to see the positive side of things and stop whining.

    Stay Happy. Take care.

    Reema:Each to his own. I do a lot of good but there are some things I just cant do! And I dont think I m whining in the post. Take care!

  17. Some things we can share some we just can’t. I have gifted stuff that was borrowed too often to avoid having to lend something I loved – like a favorite book 😦

    I think it’s okay to say No, politely but very firmly. Most people will understand and accept, those who don’t probably don’t care how you feel, such people are not worthy of being your friends.

    Reema: Yes..if they dont understand my feelings then they are not worth it.

  18. Reems, I am possessive about my things too esp. the ones which are given by my dear ones. If I am comfortable then I offer but it gets my goat when people ask and then forget to return and I ahve to chase them.

    It is fine to be firm with such people.

    Reema: Yes I have to be firm else this may continue in future.

  19. Reema, try-
    Udhar prem ki kainchi hai!
    Aaj nakad kal udhar,
    or tell them the story in which a woman goes to her neighbour and asks for a particular saree. Unfortunately the saree was hanging right in front of them. The neighbour refuses to give the saree and says the saree is in the laundry. The woman irritatingly says, it is right in front of my eyes. The neighbour stares at her and curtly replies- you want me to say it plainly, listen carefully, I have it but I don’t want to lend it.

    Reema: Good story!! 😀 I have to do something like that!

  20. for books there is a saying, a fool lends a book, and bigger fool returns it 🙂

    Reema:Welcome to my blog! Nice saying 😀 keep visiting!

  21. Hmm…Keep telling that u hate sharing ur things… If people are smart enough, then they will stop asking u… 😉

    Reema: Yes I will have to do that!

  22. Just refuse!
    Don’t give things to people if you are not 100% sure that they will take care of it.
    Believe me, I have learned it the hard way.

    Reema: Yes I will.

  23. I am not much possessive about my stuffs… but i am owning very few… I will give books, dvds to any of my friends But one thing I will tell is take care…

    Reema: Problem is still they dont!

  24. Interview Request

    Hello Dear and Respected,
    I hope you are fine and carrying on the great work you have been doing for the Internet surfers. I am Ghazala Khan from The Pakistani Spectator (TPS), We at TPS throw a candid look on everything happening in and for Pakistan in the world. We are trying to contribute our humble share in the webosphere. Our aim is to foster peace, progress and harmony with passion.

    We at TPS are carrying out a new series of interviews with the notable passionate bloggers, writers, and webmasters. In that regard, we would like to interview you, if you don’t mind. Please send us your approval for your interview at my email address “ghazala.khi at gmail.com”, so that I could send you the Interview questions. We would be extremely grateful.

    regards.

    Ghazala Khan
    The Pakistani Spectator
    http://www.pakspectator.com

  25. Hey, if you pay attention, you will always know those that you think are responsible enough in handling things and those who are care a damn attitude with other peoples things…! Just look out, differentiate and then decide. Some of your friends may reaallly be in dire need of something at a time when prob they would count on you to lend it to them…and prob even be grateful for your gesture…while the others surely need their ass kicked big time for being careless with others stuff..!!

    I am sure you will always know whom you can lend it out to and whom you cannot..and certainly not new stuff in electronics which sure can make you lose your sleep!

    Reema: Thanks for the advice dear. 🙂

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