Who Is A Simple Girl?

I, my head of department and my colleagues S and M were sitting at HoD’s room having a general chat when the topic diverted to marriage and wives.

HoD :- That day I was having  some problem with my mobile. My wife solved the problem whereas I could not!! I didn’t think she can even use a mobile. You know one is lucky to have a simple wife.

M :- Oh yes sir! And in this matter I can say I am a very lucky man.

HoD :- What about you, S? When are you getting married?

S :- Parents are searching for a girl, sir.

HoD :- Good good. You should look for a simple girl. One who is not working and will look after your home and kids nicely. They are the best. In fact you should look for  a girl from rural U.P. [my colleague S hails from rural U.P.]

M :- Yes sir. The farther is the girl’s home , the better she can concentrate in her in-laws place.

S :- Yes, I do not want to marry any working girl.  It is all useless. Whole family, home and kids are ruined.

I asked my HoD something else then and changed the topic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Imagine all this talk when I, a well qualified working girl, is sitting there. I didn’t open my mouth to protest then because it is no use convincing them. I have had many debates with them (my colleagues not HoD) over the years without any results. They are one of the most typical samples of orthodox, conventional and narrow minded men. And I believe a man convinced against his will, is unconvinced still.

I just have a few questions in my mind :-

# 1 What is the definition of a simple girl that many people use in their conversation, on their bio datas and in matrimonial ads? You know in the sentence – “wanted a simple homely girl etc etc”

# 2 Are higher qualifications inversely proportional to simplicity in a girl?

# 3 Do higher qualifications or being tech savvy or being street smart and not being a babe in the woods make girls crooked or something like that?

# 4 Are highly qualified working [i.e. those getting an income] girls less eligible for marriage and even less eligible for being homemakers?

# 5 Does a “simple” girl make a better mother and wife than any other types of girls/women?

# 6 Do kids having a earning mother fare badly in studies and in life?

# 7 Are girls supposed to just forget the place and the people with whom they spend at least 20 years of their life after getting married?

# 8 Why must girls stop being concerned about their parents and become more concerned about their in laws?

# 9 Why are daughter-in-laws expected to become equivalent to daughters for their in laws but son-in-laws can’t (and also are not expected to) become sons for their in laws?

What are your answers?

P.S. Yes I work with very sad people. Sigh!! 😦

81 thoughts on “Who Is A Simple Girl?

  1. we have this ‘generalizing’ tendency, we all do. you can’t help it either. i knw a highly educated woman who thinks- “biharis are cunning people!”. Generalizing is a human tendency. everybody does it… just in different parameters.

    my mom is full-time working lady and apparently i’m not compromised with my studies (i’m doing research at university of melbourne, australia. 😛 ). she is a wonderful mom.

    all these questions are rhetorical. it all depends on the perspective of the individual. you might find a feminist wiser than your colleagues, but i think a racist-feminist is as pathetic as a sexist.

  2. Simple often means stupid…It can also mean uncomplicated i.e. pliable…Basically, most Indian men want wives who they can influence and mould to their liking…Educated women are not pliable – they have minds of their own and will not take shit from their husbands…

  3. Sigh. I have asked all those questions you have asked…never found the answers. In particular, I’ve asked my parents about the whole thing around the daughter-in-law becoming like the daughter but the same rule not applying to the son-in-law and they couldn’t give me an answer apart from how it’s all steeped in tradition. Tradition is a tied-up cat which everyone thinks we must follow but is in fact most of the time, a load of bull. I guess none of us here are ‘simple girls’! 😛 Which is fine…because who wants men like the ones you’ve described??? Sorry you are stuck with such people though…

  4. Sigh. So pathetic. Basically all this “simple”, “gharelu”, “concentrate on her in-laws place” etc is just code for “girl I and my family can stomp all over and who doesn’t have the financial power, mindset or social support to do anything about it”!

  5. Such a sad state of things!! This kind of archaic thinking exists across India from government offices to the very modern IT offices.. I myself have been at the receiving end so many times.

  6. # 1 What is the definition of a simple girl that many people use in their conversation, on their bio datas and in matrimonial ads? You know in the sentence – “wanted a simple homely girl etc etc”

    ->Varies from person to person, mine is someone who doesn’t believe in material show-off

    # 2 Are higher qualifications inversely proportional to simplicity in a girl?
    ->No, if the person(girl or guy) is not arrogant about his or her qualifications

    # 3 Do higher qualifications or being tech savvy or being street smart and not being a babe in the woods make girls crooked or something like that?

    -> No but you can’t write humorous blogposts on them so I prefer the later 😛

    # 4 Are highly qualified working [i.e. those getting an income] girls less eligible for marriage and even less eligible for being homemakers?

    -> No

    # 5 Does a “simple” girl make a better mother and wife than any other types of girls/women?
    -> Lollzzz at the question

    # 6 Do kids having a earning mother fare badly in studies and in life?
    -> No but I believe that they get less time with their mother.

    # 7 Are girls supposed to just forget the place and the people with whom they spend at least 20 years of their life after getting married?
    -> No but accept the new place and the new life too as they would like their husbands to do.

    # 8 Why must girls stop being concerned about their parents and become more concerned about their in laws?
    -> No reason but concern should be equal on both sides.

    # 9 Why are daughter-in-laws expected to become equivalent to daughters for their in laws but son-in-laws can’t (and also are not expected to) become sons for their in laws?
    -> No Idea.

  7. Its not surprising. The number of ads you see on the matrimonial sites, people do have such attitudes.

    I think it’s their view, its better to ignore it. 🙂

  8. I think by a ‘simple woman’ they mean a non assertive woman who will never question them. They want to make their lives easy by marrying a woman who will acquiesce to their whims and fancies without raising objections or questioning them!

    I think, they get threatened by a wife who is well educated , mainly because they have been brought up to think that a woman who is educated and aware is a danger to their way of life!

    It is sad but true, that despite eduation and awareness, so many people subscribe to such views.. A well educated woman contributes far more to the family, in various ways.. I just wish these people understood that.. My deepest sympathies for having such colleagues 🙂

  9. I am an Indian guy and most of Indian guys feel exactly the way its described here.
    You probably left a simple gal is one who brings an akshaya patra of dowry.

    Indian men dont want wives to share their lives. They only want submissive slaves.

    Its really depressing to see all these. To add, Indians think this culture is the best.

  10. Well, I look for a simple guy. A simple guy is the one who doesn’t question my abilities to have equal rights to him. While this simple guy does not come, I enjoy with the ‘sophisticated’ ones…

  11. Just today, a bus-friend of mine said he had asked his girlfriend to-be to leave her job, and he would get married to her then. I asked- “Why?” And to that, he says- “Kya jarurat hai usko kaam karne ki? Uski saari jarurat main puri karunga na, meri zimmedari hai!” (Why does she need to work? I’ll fulfil all her needs and wishes, it’s my responsibility!)

    I was surprised at the way he thought, but this is the way many others think despite this being such a “modernised” world!

  12. Very thought-provoking, Reema. Hopped over from Shilpa’s blog and enjoyed reading this. While I am myself an ‘educated woman’, and an ‘ex-career-woman’ in that, I do get annoyed when men talk in this tone. It stinks of chauvinism. But, but, but, I have also noticed, many many homes are more peaceful when the girls are relatively less educated and not so focussed on career. Ofcourse this is not the right balance of things, but yes, it does help maintain a little harmony. On the same note, I have also seen countless families where the bickering goes on all day long, simply because the women are more assertive (probable outcome of their education) and therefore the MILS or even the husbands themselves do not appreciate it.

    • welcome to my blog. thanks!! why should the onus of maintaining harmony in household depend on the woman and her education and assertiveness? keep visiting!

  13. A simple girl is the one who is smart enough to keep her spouse thinking HE is the great gun. Thats it. For milleniums men have not wanted women to threaten them with superior intellect. It is classic case of – I Am The Man Of The House, Hence I Must Piss The Farthest.

    The question is, how many girls are willing to go their own way.

  14. All they want is a house maid who they don’t have to pay…

    On the lighter note: I do know a girl named Simple (or is it Simpal?) but I am guessing all these ads don’t refer to her..

  15. I think “simple” is just a euphemism for “glorified doormat”. It’s sad that there are people who cling to such notions even though they work side by side with women!

  16. I have one different point of view: Think about it and let me know how true it is : Women who are less educated / not working have much more control on their husbands than the other category. It seems to be true in south, not sure there 😛

    Destination Infinity

  17. # 1 What is the definition of a simple girl that many people use in their conversation, on their bio datas and in matrimonial ads? You know in the sentence – “wanted a simple homely girl etc etc”
    A:Perhaps,one who lives her life according to them and not uses her own brain.

    # 2 Are higher qualifications inversely proportional to simplicity in a girl?
    (Agreed with Prats)
    A:Whether a girl or boy, alongwith higher qualification he/she should have wisdom.With wisdom comes simplicity.Its more important to be wise than being intelligent.There’s a difference b/w the two.

    # 3 Do higher qualifications or being tech savvy or being street smart and not being a babe in the woods make girls crooked or something like that?
    A:People with such views should be given a taste of their own medicine.

    # 4 Are highly qualified working [i.e. those getting an income] girls less eligible for marriage and even less eligible for being homemakers?
    A:Not at all,if they can balance well.

    # 5 Does a “simple” girl make a better mother and wife than any other types of girls/women?
    A:Its not necessarily true.Instead a smart educated girl can take care of everything in a much better way.

    # 6 Do kids having a earning mother fare badly in studies and in life?
    A:No,provided an earning mother spends enough time with her kids in terms of taking care of their emotional needs well.

    # 7 Are girls supposed to just forget the place and the people with whom they spend at least 20 years of their life after getting married?
    A:She should love both sides equally.The same is expected from the guy too.

    # 8 Why must girls stop being concerned about their parents and become more concerned about their in laws?
    A:who said that?

    # 9 Why are daughter-in-laws expected to become equivalent to daughters for their in laws but son-in-laws can’t (and also are not expected to) become sons for their in laws?
    A:Society,people and their expections.She & he shouldn’t care about anyone other than parents on both sides.

      • I mean people who ask such questions are either not much qualified or are not street smart/tech-savvy…as they think only one of the two situations can exist at a time.
        Anyway, this debate is never going to end.But girls should not self-criticize themselves and do what they unless its right.

  18. Had I been sitting with them, I would have spoken against them, argued against being such narrow minded, against treating women like objects, against wanting women to be submissive and all..

    All that said, I am surprised that you still have to ask these questions. Aren’t the answers simple enough? They are trying to maximise their happiness in life.. and unlike many men (like me or like your readers), their happiness doesn’t include the happiness and mental well being of their partners.

    They simply don’t care about their significant other’s wishes.

    # 1 What is the definition of a simple girl that many people use in their conversation, on their bio datas and in matrimonial ads? You know in the sentence – “wanted a simple homely girl etc etc”

    >> They need some brain-less machines to give orders to.

    # 2 Are higher qualifications inversely proportional to simplicity in a girl?

    >> Higher education and the ability to think are directly proportional…. now look at the answer for first question.

    # 3 Do higher qualifications or being tech savvy or being street smart and not being a babe in the woods make girls crooked or something like that?

    >> Not crooked.. but smart. That means, the husbands who consider themselves Gods would have to face the bitter truth that their wives are smarter than them. They don’t want that. (I did tell you, their goal is their own pleasure… they don’t care about their significant other’s feelings)

    # 4 Are highly qualified working [i.e. those getting an income] girls less eligible for marriage and even less eligible for being homemakers?

    >> You don’t want me to answer this any more.. Do you?

    # 5 Does a “simple” girl make a better mother and wife than any other types of girls/women?

    >> Oh yes, simple girl needs less time for herself (she’s a robot.. remember?).. more time for kids, time to tie his shoe lace, …. upto sex-at-his-will.

    # 6 Do kids having a earning mother fare badly in studies and in life?

    >> No.. why do you still want every one to be logical? If they could think this much, would such a conversation ever happen?

    # 7 Are girls supposed to just forget the place and the people with whom they spend at least 20 years of their life after getting married?

    >> I understand the frustration/anger/etc. But in a society where women are not even second class citizens….

    # 8 Why must girls stop being concerned about their parents and become more concerned about their in laws?
    # 9 Why are daughter-in-laws expected to become equivalent to daughters for their in laws but son-in-laws can’t (and also are not expected to) become sons for their in laws?

    >>> The same, women don’t seem to have any rights… And guess what? A girl’s own parents support such things (even though they may not be doing it happily)… So much has to be changed… (fortunately or unfortunately, it rests on the shoulders of our generation)

    And Reema, not every guy out there is like those ones you mentioned in the post. I hope, you don’t stereotype… Even if you do, I hope you don’t overdo it.

    Sands.

    PS: Hi, I am kind of new here. 🙂

    • welcome to my blog! I didnt argue cuz I have already it few times before with no result 🙂 yes I know every guy isnt like that but this is the prevalent mentality especially here in north and central India. Thanks for your wonderful comment. Keep visiting!

  19. By “Simple gal”, they mean who cares for family n take care of their kids… Have seen many women whose kids r taken care by maid… More than husband, wife is career oriented, who doesnt want to quit her job n take care of her kid. Many families have ego clashes if wife earns more than husband and if she is in better position than her husband.
    Have also seen many instances whr moms leave infant kids(maids taking care of 6 months old) and going onsite… If career is ruining personal life, whatz the use earning in dollars? Only a mother would take care with love n affection, why would a maid take care with same love n affection even though she’s paid for?

  20. Pingback: Auditing 2009 and Wishes for 2010 « My Random Thoughts

  21. Hello,
    Saw here many of you tearing down the concept of a simple girl..
    I don’t write but your post was sufficiently thought provoking.
    ‘Simple girl’ term I’ve also heard from my parents relatives ,infact it’s used commonly when you start looking for a girl. Now let me describe it, I think you’ve taken the meaning very incorrect.
    You see everyone is raised with a set of values which is mostly decided by your culture,your income group & heritage among others & everyone wants a girl complying to that only.
    So lets suppose for someone disco has always been a taboo word in his home then by simple girl he means one who is not frequenting discos because otherwise after marriage if the girl opens up & expresses her desire to go to a disco her inlaws are in for a great shock. Disco am just taking for an example sake because in some society drinking,smoking is also not prohibited for women but I also know divorces happening because of this.Likewise For some people Virginity is a very big issue for others it isn’t.
    What I mean is ‘Simple girl’ is a relative term & has nothing to do with the nonworking slave that you people have painted.
    So a Simple girl’s definition is individual to prospective grooms mind which his family upbringing has bestowed upon him & for the guys who are making brownie points here I’d like to see them bring a girl who is more open minded then them into their life.
    Thank you.

    • well according to ur explanation the definition of simple girl IS based on “non working slave” because for my colleagues that is the definition!! ..i mean relative to them.

  22. I like your questions. I have tried asking the same questions previously. No use 😦 And one more stupid thought that exists among several people – If a girl studies too much, it is hard to find a boy. The girl wouldn’t have a happy family life. If I start arguing, then I get scolded for being ignorant and arrogant. What the Fuck?? C’mon people, be sensible.

  23. I googled “simple girls”… never thoght will find such nice blog.
    After reading this article… I think whatever ur colleagues and hod was saying and what u thought about are all correct, but incomplete thoughts…..

    eg:

    There is nothing wrong with a girl puruing a carrer like men do. But this is also true that she may not be able to live some imp time with family sply kids….. which will reflect in the family. But the solution is not quiting anything….. prioities can be adjusted with need. Boath husband and wife should try to be more intelligent and mature….. and qualification has nothing to do with intelligence or simplicity… 🙂

  24. Argghhh… I so relate to what you have written… I have a darling boyfriend who has an extremely bitchy mother.. (and older sister)… whenever he talks to her about us getting married… the old hag tells him ..”Be smart in life… Get a SIMPLE girl…dont run after these smart ones… you can make a simple girl smart… but you cant make a smart girl simple..” !!!!! My question is …. LADY…! With such thought processes in your diseased mind..what do you consider yourself to be, simple or smart?? Also, from what I remember last, your not-so-simple daughter, who bullies her husband around and abuses his family, why did you not impart some of your defunct teaching to your own blood 🙂 It is simply AMAZING how being a woman, one can be so spiteful and horrible to another. And this is where I feel, the IMPORTANCE of being a SMART girl comes in. No, I do not wish to be immersed in kerosene and set to fire because I did not get enough dowry. Nor do I want to sit with my head bent down as you shamelessly abuse my parents and comment on my upbringing. I want to stand up to you and answer back in the vain hope that my mere smart pretense shall make up for your lack of formal education and work exp in cooking, cleaning and washing utensils. 😀

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