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Is it better to have loved and lost or not to have loved at all? – Part 2

Its so easy to write books like “chicken soup”, million books on break up and how to deal with it, etc etc…..and so much more difficult to actually go through it and come out alive. I appreciate Vinita’s efforts to give a balanced write-up.
In my opinion based on my personal experiences…..There is no pain more excruciating than the pain of a broken heart… especially the heart which has been broken by betrayal. After my personal experiences, I sometimes wonder why I have not become immune to this pain and why does it hurt still? Why do I still cry? Why haven’t I given up on “love” and the quest for it? For the lack of a “delete history” or “reload” option; I would say I would have been much more happier if I had never fallen in love. Unlike the bundle of insecurity, cynicism bordering on indifference, bitterness and suspiciousness ; which I am now. It would have been an alternative fate with alternative people in it and alternative events of happiness and sadness. I would have saved many nights spent in crying in misery and almost going insane. There is nothing in this world that causes so much pain and if I could choose between love and death, I think I would rather die. As the poet of the famous love poem “Frozen Tear” puts it

Even though I said that final good-bye
Even though it was all up to me
I still cry
I still cry for when we were the best of friends
For the nights we spent together
And for what was never suppose to be
I cry not for u or me but because of what was never there
I cry for what was in my mind and how it will never be again
To stop crying is something I somewhat learned from u
Too many kisses led to the tragedy
Too many hugs that felt for nothing
Too many tears frozen just because of that one simple good-bye
Too many emotions defrosted because I stood up for myself and lost someone special
But that’s in the past and that’s where it needs to stay
Forever I will remember the frozen tear that meant so much to me and nothing to u
One more frozen tear cried and I will forever say my final good-bye

To my friends, Reason, Season or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

When you figure out which it is, you know exactly what to do.

When someone is in your life for a REASON, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then, without any wrong doing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up or out and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered and it is now time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person/people (anyway); and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you for being a part of my life.

Is it better to have loved ‘n’ lost or not to have loved at all? – Part 1

Sharing an article I came across in Times Life dated 03/03/2008….
O-zone Vinita Dawra Nangia

Is it better to have loved ‘n’ lost? or Would you rather never have tasted love, and so none of its attendant rollercoaster ride of emotions ranging from exultation to grief?

TIMES NEWS NETWORK

RECENTLY two of my women friends chose to separate from their respective spouses after being married for more than a decade. Incidentally, both had married for love.
Will that love now be the cause of regret rest of their lives? Or, will they be able to rise above the heartbreak and emerge from the experience richer and more evolved human beings? Even though it is still too early to tell, you can already see the difference in their attitudes. One has confidently set out on a path rebuilding life and
imbibing lessons she has learnt from the breakup; the other is low as low can get,
sounding stricken and clearly having taken a bad hit. Surely for her, it would have been better not to have loved at all?
A question that plagues all who have visited heartbreak zone — is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Lord Tennyson raised the issue in In Memoriam, written in a state of almost suicidal grief after the sudden death of his friend, Arthur Hallam.
Since then, not just poets and essayists, but every lover has asked himself and the world in general this question. Would you rather never have tasted love, and so none of its attendant rollercoaster ride of emotions ranging from exultation to grief ? Or, do you feel richer for all the experi
ence loving and being loved brought to you?
Difficult question to answer, especially given the fact that all of us walk into love with our eyes closed, believing like every full blooded human being does, that only the good stuff happens to us, while bad things happen to others. And yet, nobody can be in love and not be swung to absolute extremes of emotion. You are riding an unbelievable high one moment and plunging into abysmal depression the next. You believe yourself to be the luckiest person alive while in love and then, when that love ends, there could be nobody more torn apart than you…
They say love and intimacy is the cause of all our happiness and sorrow; our well-being and sickness, and of all our pain and healing. To give up one is to give up the other. If you deny yourself love for fear of the pain, you would undoubtedly be depriving yourself of all the ecstasies too. Surely the high that love alone can swing you to is worth the risk of pain?
And then, there is a beauty to even
the pain that love brings. Its beauty lies in the depth of emotion we experience and to the way we respond to it. Some of our most beautiful poetry, songs and art have been the result of emotional turmoil resulting from rejection in love. In fact many creative artists work on perfecting the art of wallowing in melancholy. The world’s greatest love stories have ended in pain and separation. Does that stop us from idolising Romeo & Juliet, Tristan & Isolde, Heer Ranjha or Paro Devdas?
There are those who say that love never ends. Two
individuals may choose to end a relationship, yet if they truly loved each other, the love lasts beyond their togetherness. It is an emotion that you can revisit and wrap around yourself as a comfort in times of loneliness and despair. Love imbues two individuals with a sense of wellbeing, happiness and confidence that rest of the world cannot penetrate. And when they separate, why must they also give up all the positive strokes love brought them?
Whether or not you are able to smile at shared happy moments later and retain the positive feelings really depends on the way two individuals choose to end their relationship.

Dr Brian Weiss in Only Love is Real, the book Princess Diana read just before she took off on her last holiday with Dodi, explains that love is a powerful, reuniting energy. If
you believe in love as the be-all and end-all of our existence; as both the beginning as well as conclusion of the journey of life, you would agree that we need to go through any number of relationships in life because we learn our life’s lessons through them — “forgiveness, understanding, patience, awareness, non-violence…We have to unlearn other traits, such as f e a r … a n ge r … . g r e e d … h at r e d … pride… ego which result from old conditioning.’
If that’s so, then the very purpose of the beginning and ending of a relationship must be to enable us to learn valuable lessons. And, if we don’t understand that, we would be doomed to a series of loves that keep ending in grief!
Love sharpens our senses and mental faculties. It increases our capacity for giving as well as receiving emotion. Love brings with it enlightenment and a lightness of being. And when love creeps away, it leaves us with a depth of emotion that is just as meaningful and necessary to our existence, to the very fabric of our lives…
I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
— Lord Tennyson