Perfect Mother

 

“There is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one” ~ Jill Churchill

So the most common question whenever someone talks to you after you have a baby is “So how is motherhood”….And I feel there is an expectation to hear “Ohhh its wonderful, so charming etc etc”only..If you don’t say that there is an underlying fear of being judged and labelled as not having motherly feeling. But the truth which I am sure many moms want to say is its tiring, hectic, exhausting, challenging etc along with the happiness, joy, the high you feel. And I usually can’t fake my replies so I say “it has its own ups and downs” or I say “its different” 😀

This motherhood thing… sometimes I think the famous position in human relations, the epitome of sacrifice, love, etc etc , the person about whom stories are written, shlokas are there…the position about which legends are there…I have become one of them. Mother. It is going to be one year but it is yet to sink in. It also makes me fearful of the level of responsibility, love, sacrifice, dedication, patience etc it symbolizes….God knows if I have that in me…I don’t think so. God knows if I m doing and will do it right. Sometimes I feel I m just winging it. In what world do people get ready for motherhood?? Even after years of getting mentally ready, I think I just got ready for pregnancy and delivery, not the after part of it.

I think every mother faces this thought scores of times in a month. The utopian or lofty image of motherhood is created by media (be it old literature or new portrayals) by people raised by imperfect and human moms but to these children their mom is their mom. So unless there’s a serious psychiatric problem that creates an unsafe situation for the kids – we are all good moms. We all have it in us because motherhood is primal basic and homely. It’s not uniform… it’s unique to each family and individual. It’s not a formula of a stone dropping 1 m in vacuum, it’s variable and a continuous process of feedback and error correction like a flight.

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Whatever you have in you, with your flaws and limitations, that’s the perfect motherhood in your context. Your neighbor’s idea of a perfect mother maybe totally different. Not to mention your mother-in-law’s idea WILL BE totally different.

In fact my idea of this whole parenting thing is its like a rugby match…the rugby ball is the child, you are trying to make a touchdown or whatever they do in rugby…and all the players running towards you trying to stop you are Judgement, Unsolicited Advice, Competition, and Comparison. 😀

If you ignore all this and do what is right for a child in terms of nutrition and development – physical, emotional, behavioral and mental, then you are the perfect mother for your child. Remember you are human….not the superhuman image of mother which has been imprinted in our minds. You are allowed to be imperfect and make mistakes.

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Motherhood Insights

I was toying with the idea of compiling my tweets on motherhood as a post since many days. Now when NaBloPoMo has come along, what better way to write a quick post? 😀

So here are few of my reflections on motherhood…This may as well become a quarterly post series because the reflections and insights are going to continue for a long time!!

#1 Eyes poked,nose bitten,lips pinched, stomach trampled,back beaten,neck slobbered on,face slapped,hair pulled…. Violence mothers face!

#2 So Indigo announced “quiet zones” aka child-free zones in their flight. Whoever came up with the idea that a child-free zone can save passenger from noise of a bawling baby inside an aeroplane,has never traveled with one. Unless of course those special seats are surrounded by noise proof walls. Bose headphones would serve better.

#3 Whoever said we must chew our food 32 times before swallowing, didn’t have a baby.Mothers should win fastest eating competitions.

#4 Dear MorisonsBaby why would you stick flowers on baby shoes? Baby pulled it out. Decor should be sewed on baby stuff.

#5 I intentionally skip pages in touch-feel baby books,those which when scratched make horrible sound like chalk on board or nails on wall.

#6 Giving your marriage saree’s blouse for alteration after few years and motherhood shows how “far” you have gone. Not to mention it’s depressing.

#7 The key beings behind the whole social structure, the act of socializing etc are babies. They make you open up to neighbors, strangers, all. From not talking to neighbors & not knowing 95% of them, I’ve become quite social now.As long as there is no unsolicited advice. And maybe soon I will join the ranks of people posting coloring competition certificate their kids won in kindergarten. *Eye Roll*

#8 Doctors say sleep is very important for babies’ physical and mental health..baby’s sleep is important for mom’s health too especially mental.

#9 Baby laughing in sleep is just another one of the cutest things in life.

#10 I feel cannibalistic instinct when baby is so cute.To nibble those toes,pinch those cheeks and chomp on that butt.But you just suffice with kisses.

#11 Shake shake..bang bang…mouth!! No that’s not lyrics of any song. That’s the process steps of “how to deal with an object” by baby.

#12 Nobody knows “perfect timing” better than babies.The moment you take off diaper they pee and Nobody knows “in nick of time” better than mothers.

#13 The person who came up with lift-the-flap books idea didn’t have kids of his/her own. Or maybe those flaps are meant to be torn apart.

#14 Even a newly wedded wife doesn’t wait for husband to come home from office as eagerly as an alone stay-at-home mom.

#15 Babies are superheroes with their capes aka bibs on their front rather than on back.

#16 Goddess Durga wud have been great at feeding time….one hand to feed, one to entertain,one to hold,one to scratch a sudden itch etc. Mulling on Goddess Durga…she takes multitasking to another level.

#17 Necessity is the “mother” of all inventions not father because moms arethe ones that need to come up with new tricks to feed, change, bathe etc

#18 The original version is “Smelly mom,smelly mom, what is the baby spitting on you? Smelly mom, smelly mom It’s not your fault”

#19 Two persons can never ever have cleanliness OCD …maids and mothers. One will lose income and the other sanity.

#20 That time of life when instead of worrying about body curves, we worry about the percentile curve of length, weight & head circumference and shape!!

The Birthday Dilemma

November is a special month for us. It will be Keya’s first birthday on 26th November!! From being 2.77 kg and 3 weeks early to a healthy strong 9+ kg one year old! From being a fragile little thing to a walking, tumbling, exploring human!! How time flies….

Earlier I used to believe that celebrating first birthdays is just for the pleasure of parents and grandparents and torture on the babies…they get irritated at the crowd, it interferes with their schedule, makes them cranky and it is hard to handle the baby and enjoy the party. Now the difference is I still believe that but yet I want to celebrate her first birthday! I am fully aware of the task..still I want to create and capture that memory because she won’t be one again! I want to celebrate my one year of successful motherhood! Even though money is tight, I want to celebrate with the usual “taam-jhaam” of cake, decor, return gifts, photo booth etc etc!

What gives me strength is the fact we already celebrated her annaprashan (first time rice eating ceremony) at her paternal grandparents’ home (a new strange place for her) in Kolkata (first time long journey) with 100+ guests at home!! That is a tale which deserves a separate post! Anyway , so how hard will a birthday party with 45-50 guests at a party hall will be??

So the dilemma is do we take the plunge…brain says no but the heart wants what it wants.

NaBloPoMo – Do I Dare Do It?

15 mins remaining for the clock to strike midnight and for 1st November to end…Now I got time to sit with the laptop and type out something to revive this dying blog. That’s what happens when  a mother of an active and feisty 11 month old decides to take up the NaBloMoPo challenge. In the last 3 years I have neglected my dearest blog and my blogging hobby so much that my sadness cant be explained in words..but no one is to blame except my laziness. Readership is at rock bottom..deeper than Mariana trench. So, when Swaram posted on Facebook asking if anybody’s game for NaBloPoMo in November, I answered with a question “Do I dare do it with a baby?”. Her encouragement and my urge to reconnect with the blogosphere, old readers and bloggers made me take up the challenge. Another positive thing is my parents have come to visit us so I guess I will get half an hour in a day to post something. *Fingers crossed*

Let the madness begin!!

*Rushes to click on Publish before its midnight!!*

New Journey

This time I didn’t dare to even open the annual WordPress report that comes at the year end. Last year I just wrote one post!! And the year before that 6 posts!! Sigh!! I won’t resolve any more or make any more promises to myself, my blog and my readers. It is better to keep quiet and just do it.

So 2015 was a happening year. A year in which our lives changed forever and for the better.

On 17th April I took the test
My sister wished me the best
The second I saw two line segments
I knew I was pregnant!!
Month end we went for the first scan
The heartbeat told success of our plan
A bundle of joy was on its way
who will share its father’s birthday!
In May, Mommy-to-be got a scare
Had to rush to hospital emergency care
Scan showed a tiny subchorionic clot
That day Mommy-to-be cried a lot
She was advised to be on bed rest
The first trimester was really a test
Dadu and Didu flew in to take her care
Without them God knows how she would fare
Flour, tea, milk became hard to digest
Hormone capsules she had to ingest
Vomiting had caused her weight loss
All junk and risky food went for a toss
In June, scan showed clot wasn’t there
She joined her job back with dare
The second trimester was easy
Her work kept her very busy
The baby was growing very well
Its kicks Mommy-to-be could tell!
For it Daddy-to-be would sing song,
And play guitar ting tang tong!!
The third trimester was festival time,
Skipping bhog would have been a crime.
Mommy-to-be prayed to Durga mother
Strength for her, well-being for another
November she went on maternity leave
Her tummy was getting hard to heave
Moving around required much power
Granny hosted a fabulous baby shower.
One afternoon suddenly her water broke
“It’s time” on call to Daddy she spoke.
The baby seemed to be in a hurry
3 weeks before! Reason to worry!!
Afternoon turned to evening then night,
Relief from labour pain wasn’t in sight.
The baby movement was slow
Amniotic fluid was getting low
There was no time to deliberate
The doctor decided to operate
Inside OT Daddy-to-be also went
Moral support to his wife he lent
“Baby is coming out,baby is coming out”
Mommy-to-be heard the doctor shout
“It’s a healthy girl baby” the doctor said
Mommy-to-be felt all the pain fade
She laid eyes on the cutest thing
An angel had come without wing!!
So this was my eventful 2015 tale
Will blog more amidst poop,pee,wail!!

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