Tag Archive | Politics

Day 26: Indian Humor

A resident of Panvel filed an RTI after he was fined Rs 100 for a traffic offense but was not given a receipt for it. That made the police tense and they tried to pacify him and what not. Fine. But what  that guy said is a joke. Speaking to the newspaper Mid-Day, he said, “At the time we crossed the signal the lights had turned orange, so this is not precisely a crime. Blah Blah. Blah Blah.”

India is the only place where the orange signal instead of signifying “go slow” means “press your accelerator and go before signal becomes red”. :-|

So our politicians and bureaucrats have a very good sense of humor.

Our Planning Commission has estimated that anyone who spends Rs 33.33 in cities and Rs 27.20 in villages per day is above poverty line!! :)

I think our esteemed members of Commission do not go to buy vegetables and staples from the market themselves. With onion at Rs 40/kg, potato at Rs 29/kg and cauliflower at Rs 25/kg (According to today’s HOPCOM price) and then rice or flour and dal, I wonder what can a person do with Rs 33.33 in my hometown, let alone metros like Bangalore! To go from home to office will cost more than Rs 15 in bus and if it’s a Volvo then …..!!! So that’s Indian humor. But wait it gets better! :)

After this, ex actor and now politician Raj Babbar stated a full meal could be had for Rs 12 in Mumbai!! Wow! Apparently he also provided a break up of his estimate – Rs 6 for two rotis, Rs 5 for half plate of dal and Rs 1 for a spoon of vegetable. But where all this is available that he kept it as a secret. Was he talking about real nutritious food for filling one’s stomach or just having a morsel/ an idea of it? Do these people actually live in India or some other planet? So again a very good example of Indian humor. :)

Now I suspect what to be the outcome of an eternal Delhi – Mumbai fight, Congress leader Rasheed Masood said a meal could be had in parts of Delhi for Rs 5. He said further that “You can eat a meal in Delhi in Rs 5, I don’t know about Mumbai. You can get a meal for Rs 5 near Jama Masjid.” Maybe we should leave Bangalore and move to Delhi!  * Sets a reminder – Have to search for houses for rent near Jama Masjid, Delhi* By the way which hospital in Delhi will be best after having that Rs 5 meal, dear politician? So again a very good example of Indian humor. Our politicians beat the hell out of famous stand up comedians!! :)

And now I am going to die of laughter!! After Raj Babbar and Rasheed Masood, Union Minister for New and Renewable Energy Farooq Abdullah has said that one can have the full meal for Re. 1. :D Firstly we know it is extremely hard to get a Re 1 coin (Read my post – Killer Chillar) and secondly even if we get the precious coin, the question arises again where? Mr. Abdullah says it depends on the common man – how much they can afford and they have to manage in that only.

So now they are going to teach us financial management so that we can have a meal at Re 1. Isn’t that an absolutely delightful example of Indian humor? Did you think we Indians are a serious lot? Humor is the only thing that is making us go on with our daily lives!!

Further reading

A hilarious cartoon by Jiggyasa

 

 

Cosmetics,Jeans and Indian Culture

So I had taken a break from blogging and was busy studying. But the Vice President of BJP Mr. Mukhtar Abbas Naqvi made me come back to express my opinion. He said “kuch hamari behne..mahilayen..lipstick aur powder laga karke aur mombatti le karke aur paschimi sabhyata ke saath waha par aa karke politicians ko gaali de rahi thi. Ye theek waise hi kar rahi hai jo Jammu Kashmir me algaavadi jo hai wo bhi yehi kaam karte hai…blah blah blah”.  Translation – “Some women wearing lipstick and powder have taken to streets in Mumbai and are abusing politicians, spreading dissatisfaction against the democracy. This is what terrorists are doing in Jammu and Kashmir”. You can see him commenting at this link. Sigh! One would expect politicians to be refined, educated, progressive and most importantly to have good PR skills or at least a PR officer. Though BJP has distanced itself saying “These are Naqvi’s personal views and the party had nothing to do with it”; he has found support in RSS now. On NDTV, Sharmila Tagore requested to women that they should ignore Naqvi’s comment and that he is a nobody. By making this an issue we would be giving him way too much importance. I beg to differ because there are some things which I just have to express. And by keeping quiet we let these politicians get away with such so called gaffes.

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Tit for Tat

The pettiness of our politicians and religious groups has reached new heights. The J & K government had decided to transfer land to Amarnath shrine board for development of facilities for the pilgrims, but after strong and violent protests and political pressure the government revoked its order. The board also decided against pursing its claim over the land. Now, Hindu fundamentalist groups like VHP have retaliated by calling a Bharat Bandh (India Strike) today. They also demand that subsidies given by government to Haj pilgrims should be taken back.

“Haj subsidy must be cancelled. No flights for Haj should be sent as it is wastage of precious fuel the cost of which has to be borne from the taxpayers,” VHP general secretary Pravin Togadia told reporters.

They also demand that the cancellation order of land transfer be revoked by the government. This is what happens when you mix politics and religion. Its the most harmful cocktail one could think of. Now, I think

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World War 3.0

So now I know how the world is going to end. It will be annihilated by the commencement of World War III. How did I reach to this conclusion? Read on.
There was a bomb blast in Thane, Mumbai on June 4 2008. Some more bombs were recovered live from other places. Two Hindu extremists have been arrested for the same. Supposedly they belong to some Hindu organizations called Hindu Janajagruti Samiti (HJS) and Sanatan Sansthan. Read the whole news here. Now after this happened, the Shiv Sena’s mouthpiece Saamna ran an editorial in which Mr.BT (the editor) advocated “build-up of Hindu response to counter the ‘growing Islamic terrorism’ in the country while ridiculing members of a Hindu fundamentalist organisation held for low-intensity bomb blasts in Thane.” Of course it doesn’t matter that 7 people died (correction:injured) in the blast and my guess would be all of them were not Muslims. What is the problem if 7 die (correction:get injured) among 13 million population of Mumbai? Sacrifice must be made for the greater good, right? I guess this is the convoluted mentality of these people.

So Mr.BT has commended the creation of Hindu suicide squads as a tit for tat for Islamic outfits. I’ve already expressed my indignation over how irresponsibly leaders speak and behave. But this has crossed the limit. How can a leader in his sensible mind ask his people to form suicide groups for spreading violence? How can he ask them to sacrifice their lives and families to die for his absurd cause or rather I presume his personal vendetta? In today’s world how can a leader champion the cause of terrorism and blood for blood? Our Nation’s Bapu must be turning and tossing in his grave!! (yes, I know he was a Hindu) How can a leader encourage his people to take the law in their own hands?

I condemn such fundamentalist leaders of any country who show the path of violence and bloodshed to their people. Instead of waging wars why doesn’t he encourage people to form cleaning squads to keep Mumbai clean and water logging free?
According to Mr.BT these Hindu squads should go to Islamic countries and carry out bomb blasts there. I guess if this happens those countries will retaliate and US & EU will jump in too in the foray. Taking the opportunity China may attack India from other side. And thus World War 3.0 will ensue. And the world will come to an end.

On second thought, that might be a good thing. Everything will start anew after humans have wiped out each other. Sigh! A 6 yr old kid is wiser than a 80+ adult.


Click to enlarge and read

P.S. Logos credited to northernsun.com

Seed of Discord

Just now one of my colleagues called me to ask for a favour. Her relatives had gone to Ajmer Sharif and are now stranded there. She wanted to know from Internet about bus journey details from Ajmer to Ahmedabad. How distraught rest of the family must be feeling. For most of us its like “None of my near & dear ones are there. So it doesn’t matter”. Not only her relatives but around 50,000 people have been stranded as more than 50 trains have been canceled due to Gujjar women who have blocked the rail routes. Earlier, the men had damaged railway tracks. In fact it has been estimated that India’s corporate sector has lost some $1.25 billion since May 23 and Indian railways suffered a loss of Rs.29.6 million ($696,659) on May 29 alone because of delays and cancellations of trains. Read this here and here. All this because the Gujjars want to be re-classified as a ‘Scheduled Tribe,’ to qualify for jobs and university places reserved for disadvantaged groups.


Do these people ever think of the sick persons, pregnant women, examination/interview candidates, small kids, the elderly or poor people who are stranded due to cancellation of trains? As if terrorists weren’t a big enough problem for all; that now we have Indians causing problems for Indians. We have become so selfish in our demands and so greedy that we ignore everyone else’s inconvenience. Like these Gujjar protests, political strikes in Kolkata etc etc. Satyagraha or rather Gandhigiri is just a celluloid dream. Now the attitude is “If I want something I’ll snatch it by hook or crook”…rather only crook i.e. violence and riots.
My point is that Indian leaders who laid the foundation of a new country 60 years ago just sowed the biggest seed of discord by defining different castes and tribes and making provisions in the Constitution for them; by giving the word “reservation” a whole new meaning; by creating a divider bigger than the Partition. We are just reaping what they sowed. It was supposed to benefit the rural and backward classes who are poor to get education and job. But in reality? A friend of mine who is a Bachelor of Engineering, has own house, very good monthly income and is counted as upper middle class; gets job in public sector using “quota” allotted to his caste. And a kid in a village is still illiterate and a farmer or weaver. So Mr.Leader’s soul, it hasn’t quite turned out the way it should have been, right? Now what do we do?
As for these Gujjars, they want a re-classification!!! I want one too. From being “General” or “No Category”; I want to become “Categorized”. I want to be given preferential treatment everywhere. I want my son/daughter to not do hardwork in studying and to get admission in finest colleges/schools just on basis of caste and to get a job just as easily.
As for these Gujjar women, have they stood up in protest against the rampant use of infanticide against the girl child in their caste? Have they ever raised their voice against abusive husbands or other malpractices against women? Have they protested against the falling sex ratio, unavailability of brides and the resulting polyandry in their caste? Then why now? Out of greed? Even if they are “re-classified” do they assure that they will send their daughters to school too and give them equal opportunity as their sons?

I just pray that may all the people stranded reach their destinations safe and sound. And…

रघुपित राघव राजाराम , पतित पावन सीताराम
सीताराम सीताराम, भज प्यारे तू सीताराम
ईश्वर अल्लाह तेरो नाम, सब को सन्मित दे भगवान

Translation:
Lord Rama, Chief of the house of Raghu,
Uplifters of those who have fallen,
(O divine couple) Sita and Rama,
Beloved, praise Sita and Rama,
God or Allah is your name,
Lord, bless everyone with wisdom.

Disclaimer: The views expressed here are entirely mine and I have no intention of hurting anyone’s feelings. Neither do I support nor I oppose anyone.
All images credited to NDTV.

Marathis vs North Indians – Part 2

In the name of Lord Rama, what is going on in India? Wasn’t the eternal feud between Hindu and Muslims enough, that now we are hell bent on fighting among ourselves on the basis of region? Our so called leaders or people’s representatives have forgotten the Preamble of the Constitution of the Republic of India. I quote

WE, THE PEOPLE OF INDIA, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a SOVEREIGN SOCIALIST SECULAR DEMOCRATIC REPUBLIC and to secure to all its citizens:

JUSTICE, social, economic and political;

LIBERTY of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship;

EQUALITY of status and of opportunity;

and to promote among them all

FRATERNITY assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation;

IN OUR CONSTITUENT ASSEMBLY this twenty-sixth day of November, 1949, do HEREBY ADOPT, ENACT AND GIVE TO OURSELVES THIS CONSTITUTION.”

Well, I guess its not their fault. After all power corrupts. And most of them are not educated enough to be political leaders. Literacy is different from Education. But still they are adults and supposed to behave maturely and understand the effects of the influence they wield on their followers. Just by saying provocative sentences they create disorder, lawlessness and riots leading to violence and cruel acts of fanaticism. When did this feeling that I’m only leader of Marathis exclusively and have no responsibility towards rest of Indians, creep into their hearts? Why should a particular region be resided only by their natives? Then we should all go back to where Aryans came from!!! In today’s fast growing economy where India is dreaming to be a superpower, a leader can’t see the money the immigrants are bringing. If north Indians are earning from jobs in Maharashtra, they are spending it there only. They pay their taxes to the Maharashtra government only. Just because the leader is not in power, he thinks Marathis should drive out North Indians. I want to find out whether his laundry man or driver or maidservant is Marathi or North Indian and whether he has fired them or not. I want to know if workers have stopped working in the industries owned by him?

In today’s world where peace is the keyword, the leader is creating a mass exodus like in the time of partition. How does he justify an act as cruel as chopping off hands by his followers? Are Marathis only about violence and intolerance? Doesn’t the leader know the fundamental rights of all Indians? How can anyone sleep in peace with the blood of many on his hands? May the souls rest in peace and may God give strength to the family left behind.

I would like to remind Mr. RT of the famous patriotic poem

sāre jahāñ se achchā hindostāñ hamārā

ham bulbuleñ haiñ us kī vuh gulsitāñ hamārā

parbat vuh sab se ūñchā, hamsāyah āsmāñ kā

vuh santarī hamārā, vuh pāsbāñ hamārā

godī meñ kheltī haiñ us kī hazāroñ nadiyāñ

gulshan hai jin ke dam se rashk-e janāñ hamārā

mażhab nahīñ sikhātā āpas meñ bair rakhnā

hindī haiñ ham, vat̤an hai hindostāñ hamārā

Translation

Better than the entire world, is our Hindustan,

We are its nightingales, and it (is) our garden abode

That tallest mountain, that shade-sharer of the sky,

(It) is our sentry, (it) is our watchman

In its lap frolic those thousands of rivers,

Whose vitality makes our garden the envy of Paradise.

Religion does not teach us to bear ill-will among ourselves

We are of Hind, our homeland is Hindustan.

"Sanctity of Cricket"

The recent controversy on cheerleaders performing in India Premier League cricket matches inspired me to write this post. Cheerleaders, many imported from abroad, were hired to liven up India’s new $900 million domestic cricket league in which eight teams play a shortened version of the traditional game. The cheerleaders have been introduced into the IPL as part of moves to add glamour and entertainment to the game. The sight of many foreign women and Indians dancing in high boots and skimpy shorts sparked anger from both Hindu nationalists, who opposed their open sexuality, and some leftist parties who said it crudely copied Western culture.

One of the nation’s leaders Mr.BT even said “the sanctity of cricket has been lost as the promoters have turned the stadium into a dance bar and the cheer girls have been brought to seduce the crowd.”

For crying out loud, since when cricket rather any sport was a holy game?? Some games are “holey” but definitely not a single game is holy!!! Are we supposed to go to stadium like we go to a temple? Is watching cricket going to replace visits to temple? Are our cricketers replacing our Gods? First of all cricket is not an indigenous game…its an after effect of the British Raj in India. And Mr.BT of all the people should not create a hullabaloo. He is the father of the protest against celebration of Valentine’s Day in India because its Western culture. Second, what this thing of Marathis against dance bars? Its just a supply to the demand. Third what seduction are you talking about? Its an open stadium not some private strip club. Don’t you seduce potential voters by hollow words? Seduction is everywhere Mr.BT, in various forms of varying degree.


He also said “At a time when farmers in Vidarbha and Marathwada region are committing suicide because they are burdened by debts, it is not clear what the people, who are pumping money to bring cheer girls, want to convey.”

Ohh is that so, Mr.BT? What do people try to convey when they pump enormous amounts of money in holding rallies and election campaigns for you? What about the time when your followers and henchmen destroy public properties and nowadays fellow Indians? All that comes from the taxpayers’ money,Sir. When so many politicians are “pumping” money outside to Swiss accounts and “pimping” India’s valuable resources, then what is the harm in pumping money in creating cheer and pimping cricket? What did you do when you were in power to stop these suicides? If all the followers and supporters were put to work, the annual flooding of Mumbai can be stopped by cleaning all waste.

Indian police say the organizers of the new tournament transforming world cricket could be fined if cheerleaders are deemed to be dressed indecently. Organizers could be fined for violating the norms of the entertainment licence they had secured for allowing performances in the stadium.

I do not say that the cheer leaders are not skimpily dressed. They do wear very short skirts and display midriffs. My point is that its not such a critical matter that it should have been discussed in the Parliament. When an important issue is to be discussed or a bill has to be voted upon, our MPs are absent or too busy breaking furniture of the House. But they consider this issue important enough to be discussed. Whereas each one of them secretly enjoys displays of flesh and I’m sure several of them have many skeletons in their cupboards. Are there no norms of the entertainment provided by movies? Because if the cheer leaders could be fined for indecent dressing then our heroines like “Marathi Manoos” Urmila Matondkar should be fined for films like Rangeela, …or Kareena Kapoor for Tashan…..Bipasha Basu, Udita Goswami…..the list is endless….

An actor-turned politician lashed out at organizers of IPL matches for bringing cheerleaders to the stadiums and making a “mockery” of cricket. He said it was “difficult to find cricket in these matches”. He appealed to the cricketing bosses to seriously ponder over the issue to save the glory of the great sport.

Dear Sir, if you would take your eyes off the cheerleaders you would find mostly cricket in 4-5 hrs duration. Aren’t sports like basketball or football where the cheerleaders originally perform glorious or great enough? Or because they have cheerleaders, these games are not serious enough?

A minister of Maharashtra has said “We live in India where womanhood is worshipped. How can anything obscene like this be allowed?

Oh my god!!! Well I suppose this worship can be understood from this information…..

Rape is a social disease in India. Hardly a day passes without a case of rape being reported in Indian newspapers and media. Women belonging to low castes, and tribal women are more at risk. What is sad about rape in India is the lack of seriousness with which the crime is often treated.Statistics from 2000 showed that on average a woman is raped every hour in India.

According to a recent report by the United Nations Children’s Fund (UNICEF) up to 50 million girls and women are missing from India’ s population as a result of systematic gender discrimination in India. In most countries in the world, there are approximately 105 female births for every 100 males. In India, there are less than 93 women for every 100 men in the population.

Diagnostic teams with ultrasound scanners which detect the sex of a child advertise with catchlines such as spend 600 rupees now and save 50,000 rupees later.

And dont even get me started on eve teasing. What worship are you talking about Mr.Minister? Celebrating Navratri or Durga Puja can’t be counted as worship of womanhood. How can you allow more obscene scenes and dialogues in Hindi movies which is seen by the Indian family more than cricket? Stop being a hypocrite.

“The manner in which semi-clad girls keep shaking their limbs is in bad taste,” said another leader of a hardline Hindu nationalist party.

What about the song “Dhak Dhak” or “Choli ke Pichhe” by another “Marathi Manoos” Madhuri Dixit? Infact what about every other song in Bollywood movies? These cheerleaders are shaking only their limbs,if you know what I mean. We should be thankful for that.

There have been reports in the Indian newspapers of cheerleaders complaining of sections of the crowd jeering at them and making lewd comments.

This news item is another example of the famous worship of womanhood. Why can’t Indian men show decency towards these professional cheerleaders and just watch and enjoy? Why do they assume that when a woman is dressing skimpily she is looking for trouble and naturally inviting comments and cat calls and find it justified to tease her? And this goes even for a girl wearing a very decent top and jeans.

At a time where there is acute shortage of water and inflation is hitting hard, our leaders are busy watching cheerleaders and then creating a unnecessary issue quoting the “Indian culture” as always and still continuing to watch sneakily. The fault mostly lies in cameramen on the field. They take close ups of these cheer leaders at various inappropriate angles and are crucial to sparking this controversy.

And is our hundreds of year old Indian culture so weak that few cheer leaders can destroy it? It definitely is not.

Marathis vs North Indians- Part 1

Hands chopped off in Pune, traumatised hawker returns to Bihar
Sat, Mar 8 10:16 AM

Patna, March 8 (IANS) Shri Kishun Singh lies traumatised in a hospital bed in Bihar. For the last 10 years, he was a food hawker on Pune’s streets, but last month Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS) activists chopped off both his hands.

Unlike many other Bihari migrants, Singh did not manage to flee in time to save himself from the Raj Thackeray-led MNS’ campaign against Biharis and north Indian migrants in Maharashtra.

‘I was made a disabled for no crime. My only crime was that I was a poor hawker from Bihar and speak Hindi,’ said Singh. In his late 30s, he is undergoing treatment at the government hospital in Siwan.

He hails from a village in Bihar’s Siwan district but used to sell bhujja – a mixture of gram rice and groundnut – on Pune’s streets. Singh told IANS on telephone from his hospital bed that he was attacked by a group of MNS activists while he was asleep on the pavement, his regular dwelling.

He was brutally thrashed and fell unconscious. When he gained consciousness the following day he found himself in a hospital with both hands amputated.

‘I was told by doctors as well as some Bihari migrants who thronged the Pune hospital that both my hands were chopped off by the attackers,’ Singh said in a choked voice.

Singh’s wife said her husband was the only bread-earner of the family. But now all was lost. ‘Our livelihood was snatched away by the attackers in Pune; our future is bleak and dark,’ she said.

The Bihar government too has done little to help out Singh.

‘Not a single top official or minister has visited Singh to inquire about him and the government is yet to announce any compensation for poor Singh,’ said Kamlesh Prasad, a social activist.

Singh’s story is an example of the pain, suffering and misery of hundreds of Bihari migrants who have been forced to flee Maharashtra to save their lives.